it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You are a genius and a whore.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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