drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
