I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im part way to drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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