oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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