I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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