You made me cry and you don't even care
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
