I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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