Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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