i think my tv is drunk
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
