hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
