just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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