All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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