Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
