it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
