He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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