Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
