If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
