I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
