Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
