Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
