if you like me you must not know who I am
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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