so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
