okay pat passed out under dana's car
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
