I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
