just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
