wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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