I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
