I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
