we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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