so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
