Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
