Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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