Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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