Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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