Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
