I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
