I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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