You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is Oprah even human
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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