he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
