i think my tv is drunk
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
