so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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