You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
