Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
