Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
