someone get that fucking seahorse.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
