i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
