I want to stick my p in your. b.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
