I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
