Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.

Fav 64 1980 10110
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(708): View more from Illinois

I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt

Fav 33 1499 3582
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(507): View more from Minnesota

She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...

Fav 42 1307 12701
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(480): View more from Arizona

Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night

Fav 7 2014 1066
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired

Fav 18 4411 2061
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(970): View more from Colorado

She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.

Fav 12 1073 2842
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(585): View more from New York

javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks

Fav 7 1474 1538
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money

Fav 0 231 134
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o

Fav 0 69 10
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