Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
