Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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