You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
