i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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